No You Hang Up
by adreamer212
Summary: You got that "You hang up. No, you hang up" kind of love.
1. Chapter 1

"Love you." She says.

You get quiet for a brief moment. Not too long to be noticed yet keeps you aware of how sudden silent you are. You know what those words mean. Easy, she loves you.

"I love you too."

You finally find your voice replies her back. She probably doesn't know how much effort you put into that sentence, how thoughtful you are before you say that out loud. Maybe those cheesy quotes you've randomly seen online aren't that ridiculous after all.

"I love you" and "love you", don't share a same meaning.

Ever since you discovered that, the world seems brand new to you. You look through people's words. Not exactly, you look through her words. But she is different. Sometimes she says this and other times she says that. You know what that means. Easy, she hasn't read those quotes. Yet, how silly you are, letting your heart tingle every time she nonchalantly puts "I" next to "love you". Time after time, you wish your heart would be half as smart as your mind. Your life would be so much easier. But then you wonder, will she be in that life. With you?

"You're still there?" She says again, wakes you up from the thoughts.

"Yes." Quietly, you respond.

She chuckles. And it is like magic. Because you can vividly picture her in that moment. Laying in bed, leans on her right side and holds the phone with her left hand. Her eyes will be shining, reflect the dim light from her nightstand and the joy from this conversation. You have no idea what that is about but your lips feel like smiling.

"I'm sorry. I won't call you this late again. You even fell asleep right before hang up."

 _Don't! Keep calling me!_

You haven't said that. You haven't said anything at all but thank God she continues.

"I'm just really excited about tomorrow. All of your hard work finally paid off. I've got to take lots of pictures for you."

There are two things about her that you can't find in anyone you've met. She says sorry a lot and can easily be happy for everyone. You wish she wasn't like that. Yet you like that about her.

"Goodnight." She adds.

"Goodnight."

…

…

"You're still there?" This conversation can last till morning.

"Yes."

"Hang up! You need to sleep!" She orders.

"You hang up then I'll sleep." And you never take order. Not this.

"Why I always have to hang up first?" She asks, the nineteenth time. You count.

"I'll tell you later." You answer, also the nineteenth time. She doesn't count.

"Well, it's nearly one PM and you're the VIP of the morning so I'm letting you win this time. Bye."

You smile to yourself. She's always found a reason to let you win.

"Bye." You say to the silent night.

…

…

"You're still there?" Oh this girl is teasing you.

"Yes." You can't help the chuckle in your throat. She is so stubborn.

"Sorry, this's so fun to me. Ha ha. But okay, this's my goodbye for real."

"It'd better be. Goodnight, Fields." You say, the smile has reached your eyes.

"Goodnight. I love you, Spencer."

She hangs up.

* * *

 **AN: Tell me what you think?**

 **Point out my mistake maybe? Thank you! :)**

 **Pretty Little Liars is not mine.**


	2. Chapter 2

"I love you." You say.

She gets quiet for a while. A really long "while". For a moment you think what if this was the scene where you confessed. That silence would crush your heart. Luckily, this isn't. Yet your heart isn't save. Because she is crying. Though she clenches her jaws, trying to be strong for the last time in front of you, tears keep streaming down her cheeks. She isn't good at saying goodbye.

You rush over, embracing her with all you got. She immediately clings onto your shoulders, rests her head on you. And your heart is tied. You doubt anyone can replace her.

"I love you too." She says between her sobs.

You suddenly hold your breath, are afraid she can feel a skip in your heartbeat.

She cannot.

You think funny to yourself. You know what she means. Easy, she loves you. But you have heard her said that to other girls that day. She probably just loves you like she loves Hanna or Aria or Alison. Like sisters.

Your mind throws back and forth this whole time. Should you tell her? This is your last chance. You two will separate for who knows, good? That may happen. Lots of people purposely lose touch with old friends when they get to college. New life will be busy.

You hug her tighter, take a deep breath.

 _No._

You sigh. Because you are weak. Because you are scared of the answer. Because if you are going to lose her, this is not how you do that. She is so precious to you to let that happen.

New life will be busy. New life will be full of new people. You will forget her like _this_. And always remember her, as a friend.

You pull her back, wipe her face with your sleeve. Your heart is mad at you for the decision. It hurts. It forces tears through your eyes. But that is the best it can do. You can't use this last goodbye to mess things up.

You look at her. Like a friend.

Kiss her forehead. Like a friend.

"Don't you dare forget about me!" You say, appear half joking. But you are not.

She smiles. Her face brightens again. How quickly! You can feel your silly heart melts. It's your turn to be mad at yourself. You've missed so many chances to make things right. That leads you to where you are right now, standing in front of her and fighting with every cell in your body to not let her know.

"I won't." She replies, reaching her palm to stop a tear from rolling down your cheek.

The look on your face must be really funny. Even a part of your brain wants to side with your heart. You have to escape this room soon. No, she has to leave the room first. You distance yourself, collect all the stuffs left and prompt her to rush. You say you both need to go before it gets dark. You say your dorm has early check in deadline. You haven't told her so many lies in one day. But she doesn't notice. She just tries her best to pull on a sad smile which makes you want to pack her and bring her with you.

"I'll miss you, Spencer."

Her voice sounded muffled through the car window and before you can figure out if that is because of the glass or she is going to cry again, she drives off. You know her, she isn't good at saying goodbye.

"I'll miss you too, Em." You type.

The text has never been sent.

* * *

 **AN: Tell me what you think?**


	3. Chapter 3

This is one of the biggest day of your life. Okay, you may exaggerate a bit but yes, the day is important. Fifteen more minutes from now and you will know what place they've planned to put you in. You know it's going to be a high position. Because, let's face it, it's you.

But power and respect are not really what you are into. You are just happy doing what you love.

You just want to be happy.

Speaking of it, your eyes wander to the left corner of your desk. Your lips twist into a smile. You are so proud of yourself for picking the perfect picture. All your best friends are in there. _She_ is in there. You can smile at it at eight in the morning or three in the afternoon or at any time you feel the need to without being asked about "the girl in the picture".

You don't like being asked.

Cause you have no answer.

You give them the impression that work is the love of your life and you are not looking for relationship which is beyond perfect. Because you are not.

Your phone buzzes, a more than a familiar face appears on the screen and you swear you have never hit the answer button so fast.

"Hello."

"Hey there!" She greets.

You shouldn't beam this wide, she barely says anything more than that.

"You have a minute?" She asks.

"Yes, I'm on my break time."

Your lips gush faster than your mind works. You wonder has she ever questioned why on Earth every time she calls you are always available.

"Oh, cool! How's everything going?" Nope, probably never suspects about your break time.

You love it. Despite the busy schedule of a doctor, she will find time to talk with you. Once or twice a week, she will call just to ask that same question. You cannot believe you two can remain so close this whole time. Even two years after college, you still know the name of her favorite patient. She still knows you will destroy her colleague who touched her inappropriately. You are working on that actually.

"Really well." You say simply.

The distance is never an issue. Hearing her voice closely by your ear is more than enough. You can stay there all day, listen to her ramblings about her job, her patients, theirs symptoms or the girls who try to ask her out. Okay, you are not keen on the last topic.

Anyway, all day long, listening to her. All day.

Wait.

Not today.

Three more minutes.

"Emily?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd love to hear how the blood coming out from his ears but I'm having a meeting. Can we… talk later?"

"Oh!" She says. "Oh, okay. Go, don't be late!"

…

…

"Um… You need to put your phone down, Emily."

"Nope, I'm good. I'm not someone who's in a rush." You can feel her mischievous grin from here. Maybe also a bite at her lips to hide the giggle.

"Em!"

"Yes, Spenceee?"

"Pleasee!" You beg, your face is a mess. You want to laugh and cry at the same time.

Her laughter travels through the phone and hits your ears. Without reason, you know the sun shines brighter this morning.

"Someday you'll have to tell me all about this "hang up first" thing."

"Okay, one beautiful day I'll tell you." You lie, possibly.

"Ms. Hastings, you've been saying that for like a hundred times." _Six hundred and fourteen times actually._ "But anyway, good luck with your meeting. Text me the result, I'll call you later."

"Okay." You smile, waiting to hear the familiar "click".

…

…

…

…

"It's really nice talking to you, Spencer." She hasn't gone yet, said softly out of the blue.

And your heart jingles.

…

"I love you."

You say.

After hearing the hang up "click".

* * *

 **AN: Tell me what you think?**


	4. Chapter 4

You lean your head on your palm, pouring the last amount of, also, the last Whiskey on the shelf into a half full glass. You guess you have to go with Gin after this. You wish you could have Tequila since you don't like Gin. It looks like water but tastes like wine. Such a faker!

But never mind. It's kinda late and something is burning inside that makes you suddenly feel so powerful. Really. You believe you can be the next women lands her feet on the Moon. Or simpler, you can run for President and win in a heartbeat. Those candidates never stand a chance with you.

You are perfect, they say. Your life is perfect, they also say.

Yeah! Yeah they are freaking right. You are anything but less than incredible.

You want to win, you will win. You want to be rich, you will be rich.

You want to be loved, you wil…

Oh, will you be?

You actually don't know. You need help.

 _Maybe she can help._

You drain your glass to the dregs and dialing her number. The liquid burns the inside of your throat, almost makes you choke but this can't wait, you are dying for answer.

Moments later, the phone is still ringing indifferently, testing your patience. Not wanting to waste time, you attempt to fill your empty glass. The path to your shelf looks really weird tonight though, and why doesn't the shelf stay still?

 _Stop flying._

"Hi." She picks up when you finally catch that flying object. Perfect timing. "Sorry I took too long to answer. My phone was on vibrate."

You lean your body against the shelf, your lips curve up both corners when you hear her voice. "Aw, Emily? Is that you?"

"You're drunk?"

"Noooo, no way. That's impossible." You probably say that.

"Well, have you been drinking?" She asks.

"I might… have a few… bottles." You hear a voice answers her.

 _Thanks, voice. Really honest._

…

"Are you mad?" You ask. The fact that she doesn't reply that answer scares you. You feel like a kid who's just broken a vase.

"No, no. I'm just worried." She should be a doctor. Anyone would be healed after hearing her voice. Wait, she is already a doctor. God is real. "Is everything okay?"

"Great! Perfect! Marvelous!" The echo of that sarcastic voice hits your ears again.

 _Is the voice mad?_

"Ookay" She says. "You're mad, we'll talk about this when you're sober."

"Don't hang up!" You blurt out, the voice doesn't help you anymore.

"No, silly. Let's talk something else." You can hear a sigh of relief escapes your lungs. "Oh! Have you received the invitation?"

 _Goddamn it! Not this!_

Of course of you have. Your secretary brought it in with several other papers this morning and the moment you heard "a wedding invitation from Ms. Fields" you could see the world exploded. You haven't even touch it. Just looking at it burns your eyes.

"Yes." The word cannot be more lifeless.

"Things happened so fast I didn't have time to tell you about it. I wish you were there that night. That would be weird but I wish you were. You have to see how nervous she was while telling me about the marriage."

And the story goes on, and on, and on but your ears don't pay attention. "She"? Who the hell is this "she"? You've never heard about her and just today you receive the invitation. If things are that fast, it won't be good. Something may go wrong. Your friend may get hurt.

Oh! She is your friend.

Shouldn't you be happy about this?

You are so selfish.

You open that Gin and gulp down a mouthful of it.

You hate yourself.

You are so selfish.

So, so, so selfish.

"Emily!"

"Yeah?" She asks, probably is surprised when you interrupt.

"I need to tell you about the "hang up first" thing."

"Really?" She responds almost immediately.

"Yes." Gin has made up your mind. You. You mean you has made up your mind.

"Oh my God! Tell me! Tell me! First my mom finally gets married again and now you tell me this. This is the best year. Ever."

…

…

…

…

Something is really wrong in that sentence.

You stumble multiple times getting to your desk and reach for the invitation. You almost tear it apart to read two simple names written in golden letters.

One of them is Pam's.

You swear the Gin is fake because you are really sober right now.

"Come on, tell me! I'm so ready." She prompts.

And you panic.

"Umm.. Em.. my ph.. phone is out of battery. Yeah, I'll talk to you later." At least you try.

"What? Spence, what the…"

You can't hear the rest because your phone is flying through the window of the twenty third floor of your building.

You stun for a moment, realize you've just thrown your phone out of the window because you don't want to hang up on her.

Maybe it's the Gin.

Or you are an idiot.

* * *

 **AN: Tell me what you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

It's a small, cozy wedding with just family and close friends. Pam looks especially beautiful today. You are glad she can find happiness again. You have talked with the man she married for a while. He is charming and sweet, just like Wayne.

You loved Wayne. He was the best dad you have ever known. And he helped Pam raise a really amazing daughter.

You smile to yourself, the daughter looks extremely gorgeous too. She is perfect as the role of a bridesmaid. You can't believe you destroyed your phone because of this. But that night makes you think a lot. How long can you last like this? She will be really married some day and there will be nothing you can do about that. That night, it's like you were given another chance. Should you grab it?

"Hey there." She hands you a glass of wine.

"Hi." You return her smile, try your best not to stare at her for too long. She's so alluring.

She sips a small gulp from her glass, glances at her mom who is standing next to her husband, smiling, talking with friends. You catch a glimpse of tears in her eyes.

"This's nice." She says quietly.

"Yeah."

"I love simple wedding like this." Her voice raises again.

"Really?" You don't know why but your brain automatically takes notes.

"Yeah." She stares into the distance. "Just my family and best friends, celebrate the day I build life with my love. What's not to like?"

You know why you love her. She doesn't have to keep giving you reasons.

"Then you better find your love soon." You answer, hoping something you don't really know.

"I have." _What? Who?_ "But I'm not sure they have found me." She turns to look at you in the eyes, holds it for longer than you expect. "I don't think they will find me at all."

She looks away to take another sip and you wish you had stood closer to see if she is blushing or you are hallucinating. Maybe you should stay away from alcohol for a while.

"Do I know her?" You ask, barely know about this girl but are jealous already.

"Somewhat, yes, you do." She beams coyly though a sad light crosses her eyes.

"What's she like?" You ask again, don't know why your heartbeat accelerates.

"Ms. Hastings, I'm not telling you until I see my lawyer."

"I _am_ your lawyer."

She bursts out laughing. This never gets old.

"C'mon, I'll take you to get ice cream. My treat." You prompt, the heart doesn't slow down.

"Well, she's smart. Really smart actually." She pauses, bit her smiling lips. "I think that's what most people know about her. But she's more than that."

"Yeah?"

She nods. "She's caring, loving and protective. She can be silly sometimes too and I love it. I love how she cares for little things, how she drinks coffee like it's her blood. I've known her for a while but I keep wanting to know more. She's the mystery I want to solve but can't."

"Why not?"

She looks at you again as if she was considering something.

That look.

Those eyes.

They were yours long ago.

You know her answer.

"I'm scared."

And that moment, your heart wins.

You know who that is. You know she loves her just as much. You know the mystery is solved.

"A girl once showed me the feeling of being forsaken. I know how it feels. It's upsetting, heartbroken and full of regret. It's terrible. Yet that girl had experienced it several times. Everything she cared slowly ran away from her life as if the world didn't love her. So I took the chance. I love her for the world. I choose to be left behind so that when she looks back, there's still someone waiting for her. I wait for her to hang up every time. Because I want her to leave the conversation without regret of things she hasn't said. Because the silence after that is somehow somber. I know she's strong and doesn't need my protection but I want to. Cause actions, are the only way I have the nerve to say I love her."

You space out somewhere between your speech, make it longer than expect. Now you are kind of afraid to see her reaction. You shift your eyes to her direction and…

She isn't there.

…

Your eyes wide open, you aren't at the wedding anymore. In fact, you are in your bed. All of that…

 _Just a dream?_

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

Your "no" gets interrupted because someone's just smashed the back of your head.

"What the hell, Spencer? I have early shift tomorrow, I really need to sleep."

"Emily?!"

"Yes. Who do you think I am? Are you cheating? Wait, haha. That's impossible. Get back to sl…"

"Where's the wedding?"

"What wedding?"

"Your mom's wedding."

"It was three years ago. One year before we got married."

...

...

"So…"

…

…

"So what?"

"I already told you I loved you?"

"No, you haven't. We've just slept together for years like friends with benefits." She says sarcastically. "Have you been drinking again?"

Oooooh, right! Last night you mixed Whiskey and coffee just to "try new thing". You should have listened to your young self. Stay. Away. From. Alcohol. And interns' parties.

"So I married you." You say out of the blue, smiling foolishly.

"Yes, yes and yes. Now c'mon, lay down, I can't sleep without you." She raises her voice again, more sleepily this time. You want to hug your heart, you are so lucky.

"I'm that important?" Your grin can't be wider.

"No, you're just an idiot who happens to be a really good body pillow." She snuggles under your neck, mumbles incoherently.

Now, your life is perfect. Literally.

Wait.

"What do you mean it's impossible if I'm cheating? I can cheat you know. There're a lot of people want me. I mean, look at me."

She moves up a little, stares into your soul with her eyes. You smell trouble.

"So, you're saying you want to cheat?" She asks, narrows her eyes.

"Nope, of course not. Ha ha. Where were we?" You caress her cheek, instantly lift her back to under your neck, try to recreate previous position. "Good night." You add quickly.

…

…

"Speaking of it, there're a lot of people want me too."

"What? Who are they? I'll destroy them. Don't they know you're married? That's it. We're getting bigger ring tomorrow."

She giggling, tickles your neck. Her hand rests above your waist, draws you closer. And your anger is gone.

"The day my mom got married is one of the best day of my life." She says, probably recalls the moment you confessed.

"I love you, Emily." You kiss her forehead, as a wife.

She didn't reply. She simply uses her fingertip to trace a heart on your cheek and kisses it.

You know what she means.

Easy, she loves you.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for reading! :)**


End file.
